Bitter Leaf Soup Series I: Roasting
 |
| Photo Credit: favim.ru |
It's a pleasure to start the Bitter Leaf Soup series with this theme;
Roasting
This thing changed my life ehn...quicker than some 10 sermons put together. (Depending on who is giving the sermon o. Lol)
Who first mentioned the idea of roasting to me? *taps brain box* Was it Tunde or Toye or Efe? Aargh... Honestly can't remember but may God bless that person.
You might wonder what the fuss is all about, I will tell you why.
Growing up, I had this flaw, I had this flaw that didn't look like a flaw but rather a gift.
It was a gift that blinded the eyes and enhanced the mouth
I would do something clearly wrong and will still have something to say to excuse myself...
Now that I am trying to write about this, I really can't remember any of the silly excuses I used to give back then because most of them were never valid reasons.
OK, sometimes, Mum can walk into my room and be like,
"Emeka, why is your room dirty like this? Won't you arrange your room?
"Err, mummy, if I start to arrange now, dust will rise and I will start sneezing or coughing. (Okay, that was almost valid because I was allergic to dust, but I was willing to use it as a trump card)
I always had something to say, even if it is to turn the tables...
"Emeka, why haven't you washed the plate?"
"I don't understand you mummy o, you said I should be reading my book when I get back from school, Now you say that I should wash plate, don't you know that if I wash plate I will be tired and I will not be able to read?"
My mum will grimace and just shake her head, at me. "Lawyer, always arguing. Will you go and wash the plates before I teach you a lesson."
I always conscious of the 'fact' that my parents nag me everytime, (mum could be quite a handful sometimes) but I was oblivious to the fact that I had issues.
That was the habit I grew up with and carried to the University.
It was my first time I was living away from home and I didn't understand building and maintaining relationships with other social animals from different cultures and backgrounds.
I was well mannered, very courteous, had some good qualities no doubt. So at first, it was easy to like me at first but that singular flaw blotted everything because I lived with PEOPLE and stepped on toes frequently, sometimes unintended, sometimes not.
But because I always had something to say, I was a stench to the nostrils to some. Now that the scale have fallen from my eyes I don't still know I could still keep some of the best friends one could ever ask for back then.
I used to do it and sometimes I will be gently told about it but I didn't see it as a problem
It was in University I heard the term spelt out for the first time, "Emeka, you are defensive."
Then I met Tunde. who was down to earth, very real guy who had a penchant for the truth. He hated lies and excuses with every fiber of his being.
According to him, if you mess up, admit it. He was not as churchy as most of us in A41 clique (was the number of the room we friends stayed and I used to visit there a lot, like a whole lot cuz I felt my room was uncomfortable) but he didn't hide any flaw he had, I was shocked by how much he could reveal about himself without caring about your opinions of him.
He didn't form. He would eat your food you were trying to save for dinner and he will start apologizing from the doorway as you came in. Hahaha. And you can't beat him now. You will end up praying for him. 'God will have mercy on you this guy' like Efevode Elston would say.
Well, we didn't have much problems while I was visiting but then came final year and we stayed together...
We argued every single day.
Argued over everything, sweeping, washing, cooking because we shared responsibilities and sometimes I was not always up to do it
Sometimes we will argue so much, people from other room will come and come to quiet the noise because they were trying to read.
His issue with me, 'Guy just agree you are wrong in this matter.'
My issue, 'why are you carrying this matter on your head? Take a chill pill, why do you always oppress me?'
 |
| I and Pheno going head to head with our village people looking on. Pheno is the ram on the left. Photo Credit: telegraph.co.uk |
Like I remember watching Harry Potter one night, I was on earpiece, enjoying the escape from reality and Pheno (as he was popularly called) came behind me and was like 'guy, this is the fourth time you are watching this movie'. As usual, I had something to say and I was like 'I want to watch the scenes I missed earlier...'
Scenes you missed? Emeka, fourth time...you are looking for scene that you missed. That's how you used to watch Naruto again and again.
Then Pheno went on and on reminding me that I was in my final year and I had project that I couldn't afford to be wasting my time...bla, bla, bla
And I blew up. Everything he said was the truth but I felt he was such a nag, he reminded me of my mum.
Pheno was not the devil. Infact he could be so caring for no reason or motive, we played games together and talk about life, girls, God, our qdreams and I loved his deep philosophy about life as intelligent conversations stimulates me. But when we quarrel, Tunde with his loud voice will blow everything out of proportion.
Toye and Shina and sometimes Efeturi will come to settle issues and Toye will laugh at us saying we quarreled like couples and our fights should be recorded and uploaded on YouTube. He would wonder how many views and followership we would get because our quarrels were consistent.
After a while, one of us suggested the idea of 'roasting'. We would gather together after our exams and feast and and while we were in that happy state, we would talk about every one's positive side and negative side that we need to work on. The rule was simple. We would all say whatever needed to be said as truthfully as possible and nobody was allowed to defend themselves. Anything we heared was meant for us to take home and chew on. Everyone agreed. It sounded like fun
The day came and Pheno cooked for everyone. (He could cook really well). We ate and we were merry and our hearts were in our belly. The Roasting began and oral whips and lashes were handed out. It was so easy dishing out the flaws, Boys were just swallowing spit. Maybe this was not as fun as I thought. But I was a good guy and I didn't have much to fear. But alas! When the guys turned on me, like sharks who have smelt blood, they mercilessly truthful. And as a guy who was so defensive but oblivious to it, I tried to break free by refuting the claims but I was put back again and again on the electric chair. My cocoon of self-defense was torn to shreds. Believe it folks, man tears flowed that day. I didn't sleep in my room that night. It was never my room anyway, I had been squatting with Pheno all year.
It was a beginning of a deliverance. I saw myself through the eyes of other people. And my highly exalted ego was in ruins. Since then I have grown so much tenacity for hearing the truth and can stomach criticism way way better. Now it is easy for me to eat bitter leaf soup mentally and spiritually. Plenty thanks to my man, Babatunde Oparinde. God bless him plenty. Follow him facebook and you'd see his short, blunt facebook posts.
Thanks for the patience for enduring such long read. Next week, I will be sharing the benefits of roasting and how it will help you grow as a leader, minister and making you a much more better human being.
This is Bitter leaf soup series, stay tuned this time next week. Have a great week ahead.
P.S: Shout out to the A41 folks who impacted into my life, Rodney, Kash, Gboyega, Efevode, and other roomies, Efeturi, Femi. God bless you wherever you are.
Comments
Post a Comment